The door is closing
I'm still waiting for a tax return to come in, and a slot in "the ideal workshop" I've been wanting to attend, which filled up while I was waiting for the needed cash. Hope against hope. We don't have $400 for the mortgage this week, let alone a workshop. So I am working through the bargaining phase of grief over my percieved loss into acceptance: not this year.
Why is it "the ideal workshop"? It's called "The Figure in watercolor: simple, fast and focused." The instructor is Mel Stabin, and his painting style is loose and direct. Five days of demonstration and instruction, right in my back yard. No motel fee & travel expenses... and it's all about the figure... in watercolor! ...painting people in landscapes and painting the clothed model.
I do get to attend a dinner and demo on Sunday. And Mr. Stabin will be the judge of a watercolor show that I am entering today. One of my emotional "bargaining" consolations was going to be the ability to submit something wonderful; some piece that just came together in an exceptional way. Not this year! All my fresh starts ended in destruction. (God, do I need that workshop!)
In fact, I have actually misplaced one of my best loose and direct pieces, the only fresh start I haven't destroyed. Thankfully, I scanned it, but I feel like I've sabotaged myself! This has brought me to the end of my bargaining rope. I am completely undone.
I awoke at 4:00 this morning racking my brain. Then went down to my trysting spot on the couch to converse with Yahweh about it. "How could I have lost this painting; the one Judy said I should frame? Why did I find lyrics about being broken and spilled out (referring to the woman with the alabaster jar, no less) in the spot I thought I had last laid the painting? What are You trying to say?"
In the dark stillness, a song came to my heart, and rest.
Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am and have and ever hope to be.
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans I surrender these into Your hands.
For it's only in Your will that I am free.
Why is it "the ideal workshop"? It's called "The Figure in watercolor: simple, fast and focused." The instructor is Mel Stabin, and his painting style is loose and direct. Five days of demonstration and instruction, right in my back yard. No motel fee & travel expenses... and it's all about the figure... in watercolor! ...painting people in landscapes and painting the clothed model.
I do get to attend a dinner and demo on Sunday. And Mr. Stabin will be the judge of a watercolor show that I am entering today. One of my emotional "bargaining" consolations was going to be the ability to submit something wonderful; some piece that just came together in an exceptional way. Not this year! All my fresh starts ended in destruction. (God, do I need that workshop!)
In fact, I have actually misplaced one of my best loose and direct pieces, the only fresh start I haven't destroyed. Thankfully, I scanned it, but I feel like I've sabotaged myself! This has brought me to the end of my bargaining rope. I am completely undone.I awoke at 4:00 this morning racking my brain. Then went down to my trysting spot on the couch to converse with Yahweh about it. "How could I have lost this painting; the one Judy said I should frame? Why did I find lyrics about being broken and spilled out (referring to the woman with the alabaster jar, no less) in the spot I thought I had last laid the painting? What are You trying to say?"
In the dark stillness, a song came to my heart, and rest.
Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am and have and ever hope to be.
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans I surrender these into Your hands.
For it's only in Your will that I am free.
posted by Lynda at 11:31 AM
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